You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
