you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
