Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
