Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
