i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can you bring me the toilet please
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
