So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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