I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He shit in the fireplace
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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