Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize