This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize