it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
