Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
