Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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