I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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