be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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