Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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