U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
