you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
