she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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