It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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