...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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