i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
