I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize