Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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