Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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