as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
