Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have already put on my inside pants.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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