You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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