There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
