All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
