i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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