If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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