It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
