Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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