Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
