No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
