I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
