just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
