Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
