He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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