I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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