I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I didn't notice because vodka
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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