he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
