How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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