3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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