her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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