I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
