In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
