So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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