was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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