This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
