if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
