Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
