i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
