I've blown a few things in my day
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
