y did u give ur computer a hand job?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
