smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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