I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
