last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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