Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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