just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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