Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
