u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
