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Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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