i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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