I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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