So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize