Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
