I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
