you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize