That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
