We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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