yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
