Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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