hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize