guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
