It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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