walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
