i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
