Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
