i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
