yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
