I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
