I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
