no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm always down for nudity.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
