Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
