Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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