After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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