It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Randomize
