dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He did a backflip because drugs
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize